Arons & Solomon Divorce Lawyers | June 18, 2025 | Family Law in Hackensack, NJ
Divorce or separation can be an emotional and confusing experience for the whole family, especially for children. They may struggle to understand why one parent no longer lives at home. While it’s not necessary (or helpful) to share all the reasons behind the separation, your child does need an age-appropriate explanation of what’s happening.
Talking to your child about the absence of their other parent can be difficult, but it’s an important conversation.
As you prepare to explain this change, here are some key things to keep in mind:
Be Honest, But Age Appropriate
Parents should be honest with their children about why a parent is absent. Deceiving a child to protect their feelings can backfire on a parent. However, being honest with your child creates a solid foundation for trust and respect.
Being honest is only one element. Parents should also provide age-appropriate information. They should not overshare, including discussing personal details and adult problems.
If you are unsure about age-appropriate information or how to comfort a child who misses an absent parent, consider speaking with a professional. Therapists can help parents explain the absence of a parent in age-appropriate terms.
Reassure Your Child It Is Not Their Fault
Children may blame themselves when parents separate or divorce. A child may believe that a parent is absent because the child is not “good enough,” or they did something to cause the parent to leave.
Parents should be very clear that the divorce is not their fault and that there is nothing they can do to resolve the situation. Ensure that your children know they are loved and wanted. When a parent is absent, a child may fear that the other parent will also leave them. You may need to provide continued reassurance that you will not leave the child.
Refrain from Speaking Negatively About the Other Parent
It may be tempting to blame your ex-partner, but avoid blaming them for the divorce or being absent. Never badmouth your child’s other parent to them or when they can hear you. Speaking negatively or blaming the other parent could cause your child to feel they need to choose sides.
Furthermore, a court could view your actions as parental alienation if the judge believes you are trying to manipulate your child or turn them against their other parent. It is best to keep your opinions to yourself and explain the absence of a parent in an unbiased, neutral manner.
Allow Your Child to Ask Questions
Your child may not want to ask any questions. On the other hand, they may have many questions. Answer questions honestly and age-appropriately.
Encourage your child to ask any questions they have about the situation. It is better for them to discuss their concerns with you than to share them with others.
Acknowledge Your Child’s Emotions
It is impossible to predict how a child will react to the news that their parents are separating or divorcing. They may feel guilty, sad, angry, or confused. Discuss their feelings and reassure them that it is okay to feel the way they do. Also, explain that their feelings may change, and you are available to discuss them whenever they wish.
Some children may seem happy with the news that their parents are divorcing, especially if their parents have been arguing and there is tension in the home. Rather than happy, the child may feel relieved, but they lack the maturity to express the feeling as anything other than happy.
Keep the Lines of Communication Open
Follow your child’s cues about when they want to discuss the situation. They may go through periods of missing their other parent, which may cause them to ask more questions. Your willingness to answer their questions can help them feel comfortable discussing their feelings and concerns.
It also helps you determine if your child may need counseling or therapy. Learn and watch for the signs of depression and anxiety in children. You can also seek help from your child’s pediatrician.
Contact Arons & Solomon Divorce Lawyers for a Free Consultation
Child custody is among the most emotional and challenging issues during divorces. Protect your rights and your children’s well-being with the help of an experienced family law attorney. Contact Arons & Solomon Divorce Lawyers today for a free consultation.
Bergen County Law Office
1 University Plaza Dr #400, Hackensack, NJ 07601, United States