Arons & Solomon | March 22, 2021 | Divorce
A narcissist is an expert con artist. They can fool people into believing they are sincere, caring, compassionate people. In reality, a narcissist has none of these traits.
There is only one thing worse than being married to a narcissist – divorcing a narcissist. Taking the time to learn how to divorce a narcissist can give you a better chance of achieving your divorce goals.
Divorcing a Narcissistic Husband or Wife
It does not matter which spouse is the narcissist. The stages of divorcing a narcissist and the tips for how to divorce a narcissist are the same.
The first thing you should do is search for a family lawyer that has experience dealing with a narcissist and divorce. Be prepared to provide examples of your spouse’s behavior that shows narcissistic traits. Otherwise, an attorney may have difficulty believing that you are married to a narcissist without an official medical diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder.
Symptoms of a narcissistic personality disorder include, but are not limited to:
- Do not believe they make mistakes
- Monopolize conversations, including making conversations all about them
- Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
- Are envious of others, especially their accomplishments and wealth
- Requires constant and excessive admiration from family, friends, co-workers, and even strangers
- Is unable or unwilling to recognize and acknowledge the needs and feelings of other people
- Has a sense of entitlement
- Takes advantage of other people to get what they want
- Inflates achievements, skills, experience, knowledge, and talents
- Has a haughty, arrogant demeanor
- Looks down on other people
- Belittles people to make themselves feel and look superior
Narcissists are master manipulators. They can make people see something that is not true. The best way to help your attorney see through this behavior is to give detailed examples of the above signs of a narcissistic personality.
The more detailed examples you provide your attorney, the better your attorney can prepare to trick your spouse into revealing their true nature in court.
Tricking Your Spouse to Reveal Their Narcissistic Personality in a Custody Case
You need a judge, mediator, or custody investigator to see your spouse’s true nature. You want the court to see the abusive, combative, and controlling person to whom you are married. This fact is especially true when you are seeking custody of your children.
Children may overlook the poor qualities that define a narcissist. Therefore, if a judge or custody investigator questions your children, your children may paint a perfect picture of a loving, devoted parent.
However, you know that your spouse never attends sporting events, does not help with homework, and ignores your children unless they can be of some use to benefit your spouse.
Therefore, keeping detailed logs of the interactions or lack of interactions between your children and your spouse is a priority. Write down every game and school event your spouse misses.
Track how many times your spouse misses visitation. Do not allow your children or spouse to find out you are tracking this information because your spouse will immediately change to become the most loving, dedicated parent that has ever graced a courtroom.
With this information in hand, your attorney should be able to draw out your spouse’s less than admirable traits in court. For example, asking questions that allow a narcissist to portray themselves as the perfect parent is the first step. Your spouse will take any chance they can to make themselves appear as a saint and you a less desirable parent.
However, after your spouse takes a great deal of time charming the judge, your attorney can quickly turn the table by asking pointed questions about the time spent with the children. Your log provides the truth about your spouse’s involvement with your children.
When presented with facts that contradict what the narcissist said, most narcissists lose their temper. This reaction is the one that you were hoping for when you entered the courtroom. Your spouse reveals the true nature of their personality.
Remain Calm and Allow Your Attorney to Handle Your Spouse
After living with a narcissist, you know that you can be manipulated into losing your temper or acting timid and apologetic. Do not allow your spouse to do this to you in court.
Whatever your spouse says while testifying, do not lose your temper. Fight the urge to apologize or feel shame. You need to have a calm, resolved demeanor during the entire hearing.
Your divorce lawyer understands how to question your spouse to obtain the response desired. Trust your lawyer and wait for the blowup you know will come when your attorney exposes your spouse in court. Your job is to appear as level-headed and calm as possible so that the judge views you as the stable parent.
Two Key Things to Remember When Divorcing a Narcissist
Locate a family law attorney who understands narcissistic personalities and hire them immediately.
Do not allow yourself to be charmed or manipulated by your spouse. Focus on your goals and follow your attorney’s advice. Whenever you have questions or doubts, call your lawyer for advice.