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Child Emancipation and Child Support in New Jersey

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Many people assume parental rights and responsibilities–including child support–will end automatically when a child turns 18 years of age. While this is true in many states, it is not true in New Jersey. Here’s what you need to know.

What is Emancipation?

Emancipation is the legal term for when a child is no longer the legal responsibility of his or her parents. Emancipated children are considered “adults” in the eyes of the court. Parents lose the right to make decisions on behalf of the child, but they are also excused from all financial support obligations–including child support.

In the Garden State, emancipation occurs at the discretion of the courts. In some cases, children may be emancipated before age 18. In other cases, children may continue receiving child support into their twenties (especially if they are attending college or grad school). In all emancipation cases, the court will review relevant facts and evidence to determine if the child remains “in the sphere of influence” of the parents.

Since emancipation is not traditionally an automatic process, how are separated or divorced parents supposed to know when to stop paying child support? Here are some good indicators that it might be a good time to consult a child support lawyer:

  • Your child is living outside the home
  • Your child is getting married
  • Your child is joining the armed forces
  • Your child has a full-time job
  • Your child graduated high school with no plans to attend college
  • Your child graduated college with no plans to attend graduate school

New Jersey’s 2017 Child Support Termination Law

In 2017, New Jersey law was modified to make the emancipation process slightly more automatic. The Termination of Child Support Statute went into effect Feb. 1, 2017, and specifies that child support payments automatically end when the child turns 19. Ending child support at age 19 does not require a separate court order.

There are many exceptions to this rule, and for parents whose child support is administered through a New Jersey Child Support Enforcement Probation unit, the custodial parent can still apply for an extension before the child turns 19. The statute may not apply if a different age or condition for the termination of support was specified in a previous court order or Judgment of Divorce.

Child support extension requests can continue until age 23. Under New Jersey law, child support will always end at age 23, no matter what. The parent or child may petition the court to convert the child support to another form of financial maintenance or financial support for a child that has reached the age of 23. This order, should it be granted, would not be considered child support and is not enforced or managed through a Probation unit.

Always Seek Legal Counsel

The Child Support Termination Statute seems to provide more clarity on the issue of child support on paper, but implementation of the law is still young. It remains to be seen how the courts will interpret the text or operate within the new legal framework.

In the meantime, it’s best not to make assumptions about your child support payment timeline and be prepared to take the whole family’s personal and financial situation into account when seeking a court order.

A family lawyer can help you assign an “expiration date” to your child support agreement by including a provision that explicitly states all financial support ends at a stated age or condition. This can take the form of a specific date–such as the child’s 18th birthday–or a life event like marriage that might indicate financial independence.

If you cannot settle on a child support agreement, the court will create one for you. Each case is highly individual and will be judged on several factors. If you can negotiate an agreement outside of the courtroom, you should.

Don’t leave your fate in the hands of a judge. Our family law attorneys can help you protect the best interest of your child while preserving your personal financial health.

College Tuition and Child Support in New Jersey (Part 4 of 4)

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This is the final post of a four-part series. To read the first article, click here.

Are Divorced Parents Responsible for Paying Grad School and Professional School Tuition?

A noncustodial parent’s obligation to pay for a child’s graduate school degree continues to be a very murky area in New Jersey family law. Not many cases provide legal precedent on the issue.

However, divorced parents have been ordered by the court to make financial contributions toward a child’s graduate education in New Jersey. A ruling on graduate school support would depend heavily on the individual facts of the case. The court would likely take the following criteria into consideration:  

  • Whether the child is emancipated
  • Whether the child has a job
  • The age of the child
  • The 12 factors of the Newburgh v. Arrigo case

While the Newburgh factors would be considered, the burden of proof angles in the opposite direction for graduate school cases.

For undergraduate college, the burden of proof is on the defendant (aka. the noncustodial parent) to prove it would be unfair and unnecessary to make tuition contributions.

In the case of graduate school, the burden of proof is on the seeker of support to prove there are exceptional circumstances requiring the defendant to help pay for the degree.

The New Jersey family court system typically believes college graduates are more independent and self-sufficient. A college degree should make it easier to obtain full-time employment while earning the graduate degree part-time on nights, weekends, or online. College graduates are also more capable to apply for financial aid and loans.

If a judge did decide to rule in favor of the support seeker, it would be considered a form of financial support entirely separate from child support.

Be Aware: New Jersey Child Support Rules Changed in 2017

As of February 2017, noncustodial parents are excused from paying child support after the child turns 23 years of age (N.J.S.A. 2A:17-56.67). Child support payments could terminate as early as age 19, though the courts will often order extensions to age 23 for full-time college students. There are few exceptions to this rule.

It Pays to Plan for College Funding

Divorced parents are not held to the same legal and financial expectations as married parents. It’s not fair, but it is the reality of the situation. To avoid battling it out with your ex-spouse (or children) in court, your final judgement of divorce should include a plan for college funding.

College funding agreements can be negotiated outside of court using an arbitration, mediation, or collaborative approach. This saves both parties time and money.

It also preserves family relationships. When parents and children have a written agreement outlining the financial responsibilities of each party, they have the structure of the agreement to guide their behavior during moments of disagreement.

Arons & Solomon can help you make a college funding agreement that gives all members of your family peace of mind.

College Tuition and Child Support in New Jersey (Part 3 of 4)

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This is part three of a four-part series. To read the first article, click here.

The Case that May Excuse Divorced Parents from Paying College Tuition

A New Jersey parent might wonder: is there any scenario where a noncustodial parent can be excused from making college contributions? There is one case that might be used to argue against mandatory college tuition assistance.

Gac v. Gac

The Gac v. Gac (2006) case delivered a momentous decision that noncustodial parents do not always have to contribute toward college costs.

The case involved a daughter estranged from her father (the noncustodial parent), despite his one-sided attempts to maintain the relationship. The family dynamic was complicated and involved a history of abusive conduct on the part of the father.

The daughter did not consult him before selecting Quinnipiac College, an expensive private school that far exceeded the cost of Rutgers. The daughter indicated on her financial aid applications that her father was “not a part of her life, he was not assisting her in financing her college education, and his whereabouts were unknown.”

The court took the following facts into consideration:

  • Defendant was excluded from participating in decisions pertaining to his daughter’s college education
  • Plaintiff and daughter chose a relatively expensive private college rather than available New Jersey or Vermont institutions
  • Daughter did not seek summer employment during several of the years she attended college
  • There may have been additional grants available that would have defrayed a portion of the daughter’s college expenses
  • Plaintiff did not seek reimbursement of the daughter’s student loans during the years these obligations were incurred, thus possibly impairing defendant’s ability to make sound financial judgments

The court ruled the father did not have to pay college costs. The rationale was based on the timing of the motion, not the deterioration of the father/daughter relationship. 

The child’s mother did not file a motion for college expense contributions until the daughter had already graduated. There is a possibility the father would have been mandated to pay college expenses if the motion had been filed earlier.    

According to the ruling:

“… if Alyssa wanted financial assistance from her father, she could have made the request before she incurred her college expenses. Neither plaintiff nor Alyssa made such a request until after defendant sought to terminate child support, and Alyssa had graduated from college.

The failure of both plaintiff and Alyssa to request that defendant assist in paying Alyssa’s educational expenses at a time that would have enabled defendant to participate in Alyssa’s educational decision as well as to plan for his own financial future weighs heavily against ordering him to contribute to her educational expenses after her education was completed.”

College Financial Obligations Are Determined Case-By-Case in New Jersey

In each of these case law examples, the judge depended heavily on the individual facts of the case. For this reason, tuition support decisions can vary widely in New Jersey. The ground is constantly shifting under the issue’s legal precedent.

All parents getting a divorce must include language in their final judgement or property settlement agreement that outlines the responsibility of each parent to fund their children’s college education. If you do not consult a divorce attorney to get this done correctly, it could cost you big money in the long run.

Are Divorced Parents Responsible for Paying Grad School and Professional School Tuition?

Great question. We answer this question in the final post of our four-part series on tuition and child support in New Jersey.

You can read it here.    

College Tuition and Child Support in New Jersey (Part 2 of 4)

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This is part two of a four-part series. To read the first article, click here.

The Newburgh v. Arrigo (1982) case remains the foundation of child support and college tuition case law in New Jersey. The New Jersey Supreme Court ruled that divorced parents have a legal responsibility to pay for a child’s college education to the best of their financial ability, even though married parents are not held to the same standard.

According to the ruling:

“In general, financially capable parents should contribute to the higher education of children who are qualified students. In appropriate circumstances, parental responsibility includes the duty to assure children of a college and even of a postgraduate education such as law school.”

The ruling established 12 criteria to determine the financial obligations of each parent (which you can read in our previous post).  

However, many other cases have shaped the debate surrounding college tuition and child support in New Jersey. Below are a few of the must-know cases since Newburgh v. Arrigo.   

Finger v. Zenn

The Finger v. Zenn (2000) case overturned the “Rutgers Rule” established by Nebel v. Nebel, which ruled that mandatory college contributions should not exceed the cost of a state school like Rutgers. In other words, if a child decided to attend a private college or university with significantly higher tuition prices, the Rutgers Rule protected parents from paying those excessive costs.

In Finger v. Zenn, the mother (aka the custodial parent) filed a motion to compel her ex-husband to pay 50 percent of their son’s college education costs at George Washington University. On this point, the judge ruled in her favor.

It was discovered the father discussed college options with his son and encouraged him to apply to Lehigh, an expensive private university with tuition prices like GWU. This fact played a critical role in the decision.

According to the ruling:

“Nebel is factually distinguishable from this case because defendant’s income and assets are more than adequate for a fifty percent contribution at George Washington University, especially since he received a $25,000 equitable distribution credit for payment toward college. Moreover, to the extent that Nebel is read to hold that there is a ceiling on a college contribution by a divorced spouse to the cost of a state university or any public or private college, it is specifically disapproved.

… The parties to this appeal are indeed fortunate. Their sons have the aptitude for a college education. They share a good relationship with their sons. Their respective economic resources enable them to provide for their sons’ college education. It is self-evident that had this remained an intact family the parties would have given due consideration to a private college and would have given great weight to the fact that George Washington was David’s first choice.”

Black v. Black

Black v. Black (2015), an unpublished Appellate Division case, involved a divorced couple with three children. The children lived with their mother; the father was the noncustodial parent. In the years following the divorce, the oldest son became estranged from his father. Meanwhile, the father continued to have a relationship with his other two children.

The parents agreed to share the cost of college in their divorce settlement, with no specific amounts listed. But when the oldest son decided to go to Rutgers (and later to University of Miami for his sophomore year), the father did not want to pay since they no longer had a father/son relationship.

The court determined three things:

  1. If the parent/child relationship is severed, the court may include joint counseling as a condition of receiving tuition money from that parent (unless there is a compelling reason to keep the parent and child physically separated, such as a history of abuse).
  2. Regardless of what school a student personally wishes to attend (private or state), no parent should be expected to contribute more than he or she can reasonably afford.
  3. When the student has younger siblings, who are closely approaching college age and likely to attend college, their anticipated financial needs must also be taken into consideration. Financial resources cannot be exhausted on the oldest child at the expense of the others. The best interests of all children in the family must be considered.

For these reasons, combined with the specific economic limitations of each parent, the court ruled the parents must contribute “a limited, combined total of $7500 per year, allocated between three college savings plans to be established and specifically earmarked for all three children’s potential college costs.”

The father’s obligation was higher than the mother’s obligation, 55% to 45%, respectively. The arrangement gave each child a $20,000 parental contribution toward college. 

After reviewing these cases, a New Jersey parent might wonder: is there any scenario where a noncustodial parent can be excused from making college contributions?

Actually, there is.

Read Next: The Game-Changing Case that May Excuse Divorced Parents from Paying College Tuition

College Tuition and Child Support in New Jersey (Part 1 of 4)

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All parents have a legal responsibility to meet the financial needs of their children. But what does that entail, and when does it end? It can be difficult to find the line between the “wants” and “needs” of a child. Parents often disagree on whether paying college tuition is a true parental responsibility.

Married parents make that decision together in the privacy of their own home. For divorcing parents, it’s a different story.

Is College Tuition Included in Child Support Payments?

In New Jersey, child support is usually calculated using the New Jersey Child Support Guidelines. The formula does not include the cost of college tuition. This does not excuse parents from paying for college, it simply means the issue is negotiated separately from the child support arrangement.

College tuition is not considered a need equivalent to food or shelter, but New Jersey family courts do generally expect parents to contribute toward a child’s college education. In fact, New Jersey has taken some of the farthest measures in the nation to establish higher education as a necessity.

Case law is constantly evolving on this issue, and outcomes vary widely on a case-by-case basis. To avoid rolling the dice in court, your final judgement of divorce should include a plan for college funding.

An agreement can be negotiated outside of court using a mediation, arbitration, or collaborative approach. This gives both parents flexibility and privacy to create a plan for their unique situation. Settling these issues outside of court will save time, money, and emotional stress.

If both parties cannot agree to a tuition arrangement, the court will schedule a plenary hearing. To establish the financial ability of each parent, both parties will undergo the discovery process. They will submit a Case Information Statement (CIS) listing all assets and debts, along with recent paystubs, W-2s, tax returns, and all other relevant evidence to the court.

A judge will determine who pays what college costs based on a number of factors, including a set of 12 criteria established in the landmark Newburgh v. Arrigo case:

  1. Whether the parent, if still living with the child, would have contributed toward the costs of the requested higher education
  2. The effect of the background, values and goals of the parent on the reasonableness of the expectation of the child for higher education
  3. The amount of the contribution sought by the child for the cost of higher education
  4. The ability of the parent to pay that cost
  5. The relationship of the requested contribution to the kind of school or course of study sought by the child
  6. The financial resources of both parents
  7. The commitment to and aptitude of the child for the requested education
  8. The financial resources of the child, including assets owned individually or held in custodianship or trust
  9. The ability of the child to earn income during the school year or on vacation
  10. The availability of financial aid in the form of college grants and loans
  11. The child’s relationship to the paying parent, including mutual affection and shared goals as well as responsiveness to parental advice and guidance
  12. The relationship of the education requested to any prior training and to the overall long-range goals of the child

What is the Newburgh v. Arrigo Case?

The Newburgh v. Arrigo case (88 N.J. 529; 1982) is the foundation of child support and college tuition case law in New Jersey. The New Jersey Supreme Court ruled that divorced parents have a legal responsibility to pay for a child’s college education to the best of their financial ability (using the 12 criteria outlined above), even though married parents are not held to the same standard.

According to the ruling:

“In general, financially capable parents should contribute to the higher education of children who are qualified students. In appropriate circumstances, parental responsibility includes the duty to assure children of a college and even of a postgraduate education such as law school.”

Since the Newburgh v. Arrigo decision, several cases have influenced child support and tuition case law in New Jersey’s family court system. For that reason, court rulings continue to vary widely on a case-by-case basis. You should always seek legal counsel before making any financial commitments to your ex-spouse.

READ NEXT: Other Must-Know Cases Impacting College Tuition and Divorce in New Jersey (Part 2 of 4)

How Substance Abuse Will Impact Your Divorce Settlement in New Jersey

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Substance abuse can be an ugly part of any relationship. When one partner is in the grip of an addiction, it can be impossible to maintain the trust and mutual respect necessary to keep a marriage together. These unfortunate–and possibly unsafe–conditions in the home can significantly impact the sequence of events before, during, and after the divorce settlement.

Impact of Substance Abuse Pre-Divorce

Substance abuse may affect the grounds for divorce on which you decide to file. In New Jersey, a divorce can be considered “fault” or “no fault.” A no-fault divorce is based on irreconcilable differences and does not require either party to make specific accusations against each other.

A fault divorce, on the other hand, requires specific claims and supporting evidence. It can be filed on multiple grounds, including:

  • Adultery
  • Willful desertion for 12+ months
  • Extreme cruelty
  • Separation for at least 18 consecutive months with no reasonable prospect of reconciliation
  • Voluntarily induced addiction or habituation to any narcotic drug as defined in the New Jersey Controlled Dangerous Substances Act, or habitual drunkenness for 12+ consecutive months
  • Institutionalization for mental illness for a period of 24+ consecutive months
  • Imprisonment for 18+ consecutive months
  • Deviant sexual conduct voluntarily performed by the defendant without the consent of the plaintiff

If the spouse in question checks into rehab before the divorce complaint is filed, you may still be able to file under fault grounds depending on the timing. Always consult a family law attorney to make sure your filing paperwork fits with your overall settlement strategy.

Impact of Substance Abuse on Divorce Settlement

Substance abuse is frequently accompanied by other behavioral issues such as neglect, dishonesty, domestic violence, emotional problems, and irresponsible use of finances. All these factors can and will impact a divorce settlement and custody arrangement.

When a partner has a documented substance abuse problem and history of deception, it can negatively impact his or her credibility in the eyes of the court. A judge or mediator will also consider the defendant’s individual circumstances and observable behavior during the divorce proceedings when making decisions–but still, you might find them less likely to give a known addict the benefit of the doubt in the inevitable “he said, she said” moments of conflict.

Many drug and alcohol habits require huge amounts of money to maintain, particularly when the substances involved are illicit. The strain on a couple’s bank account can be a significant factor in the divorce settlement. The court must determine if marital assets have been dissipated by the substance abusing spouse. If they have, the court must determine the degree to which the spouse without a substance abuse problem must be compensated.

When making child custody arrangements, the state is required to make decisions in the “best interest of the child.” New Jersey is one of the only states without a statute on the books that specifically addresses substance abuse as a factor in parental fitness. This does not mean it won’t be taken into consideration during custody hearings–it simply means the courts have more latitude in deciding the terms of custody.

When one parent has a documented problem with drugs or alcohol, a judge or mediator may conclude such an environment would be detrimental to the child’s welfare and deny custody to the parent. Substance abuse may also affect the parenting time rights of the noncustodial parent.

In New Jersey, noncustodial parents have a constitutional right to spend time with their children, except when their presence is viewed as a direct threat to the child. For this reason, a court may decide parenting time must be limited or supervised by a professional appointed by the court or a person designated by the non-abusing parent.

The custody settlement may also stipulate the spouse with an addiction must abstain from using drugs or alcohol for a certain amount of time before meeting with their children, or that they receive treatment as a condition of spending time with their children.

Impact of Substance Abuse Post-Divorce

Your divorce settlement is the law. But like any other law, it can be changed. Both parties have the right to request modifications to their existing alimony, child support, and/or custody arrangements over time as life circumstances change. This includes events surrounding substance abuse and addiction. If a parent suffers from a relapse, it can significantly affect the custody and visitation arrangement.

This is an incredibly complex and personal issue. Always seek the advice of a family law attorney to ensure your divorce settlement protects the safety and well-being of yourself and your children.

In Low-Conflict Divorce, You May Still Need a Lawyer

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Everybody hopes their divorce will end quickly, inexpensively, and peacefully. If you can move through the divorce proceedings with minimal conflict, that is the healthiest approach for everyone involved.

While things are going smoothly, it may be tempting to DIY the divorce. This approach might make sense for younger couples with no children, minimal shared property and no support requests. However, you should always have a divorce lawyer review your paperwork and settlement agreement before it is finalized.

If your divorce case involves any of the following elements, you should obtain legal counsel immediately:

  • Anticipated spousal or child support requests
  • Children
  • Complicated financial holdings
  • Domestic violence
  • Shared business ventures
  • Shared property or assets
  • Significant differences in earning capacity

Why Hire a Divorce Lawyer?

  • Divorce lawyers can help you communicate in a way that prevents conflict

Your current cease-fire is more delicate than you think. Just because there are no issues now, does not mean there won’t be any issues down the road. The stakes of the divorce become very real when both parties start putting commitments down on paper. Even in the lowest-conflict divorce cases, there are moments of miscommunication and weakness. The right divorce lawyer can help both parties share information in a way that prevents conflict and unwanted drama.

  • Divorce lawyers can help you stay out of court

Hiring a divorce attorney does not mean your case will automatically be litigated in court. In fact, the opposite is often true. An experienced family lawyer can provide valuable guidance on alternative divorce solutions, including collaborative divorce, arbitration, and mediation. Most couples do not want their final settlement to hinge on the decision of a judge. The right lawyer will transition you through divorce in a way that regains a sense of stability and control over your life.

  • Divorce lawyers can help you maintain perspective

Remaining calm and level-headed throughout the divorce process is harder than it seems, especially when there are children involved. A divorce lawyer can help you stay focused on what’s important. While certain events during the proceeding may take you by surprise, this is not your attorney’s first divorce. There is almost nothing they haven’t seen.

  • Divorce lawyers can protect your rights (and safety)

When you are in uncharted territory, you don’t know what you don’t know. That’s what makes DIY divorce so risky. An experienced divorce lawyer protects your rights in ways that might not have even occurred to you. In cases of domestic violence, a survivor may not be able to negotiate freely with their ex-spouse. In this case, a lawyer can negotiate on your behalf in a way that preserves your emotional health and physical safety.

  • Divorce lawyers have a helpful network of professionals

Established divorce lawyers have working relationships with the family court system and other divorce lawyers in the area. They have access to a network of key professionals, including financial planners, private investigators, forensic accountants, mental health counselors, process servers and more.

Can We Share an Attorney?

No. A single lawyer representing both sides of a case would be a clear conflict of interest. If you are worried about the financial costs of divorce, consider an alternative dispute resolution method such as mediation or collaborative divorce. Both approaches focus on long-term conflict resolution rather than “winning” the divorce at any cost, and are generally less time consuming and expensive than litigation.

Hire a New Jersey Divorce Lawyer

Selecting the right divorce attorney is a decision that can change the course of your life. Learn more about how to select the right NJ divorce lawyer here.

5 Ways a “Grey Divorce” Can Impact Your Retirement

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Americans are increasingly pursuing divorces later in life. According to Pew Research, the number of U.S. adults divorcing at age 65 or beyond has roughly tripled since the 1990s. The trend has been nicknamed “grey divorce,” a reference to the grey hair of the spouses filing the paperwork.

Getting a divorce radically changes the plan for long-term couples who have been building toward retirement for decades. It impacts every aspect of an existing lifestyle, from social relationships to personal finance. Since there is less time for older couples to financially recover following a divorce, the settlement will have a huge impact on future quality of life.
Below are 5 things to consider when divorcing before, or during, your retirement years.

Changes in Monthly Cash Flow

Living alone changes all your monthly expenses. Single individuals bear the full financial cost of housing payments, utilities, groceries, cable, and more. They may also need to spend some money upfront on new furniture or perhaps a car.

Women tend to feel the financial pain more than male partners. Women have traditionally taken a break from the workforce to raise children. When a divorce happens later in life, some re-enter the workforce feeling a couple steps behind their peers who never left. (And who is thinking about the job market when you thought retirement was around the corner?)
A divorce attorney can help you finalize a spousal support arrangement that protects your quality of life and connect you with a Certified Financial Planner™ professional to establish a new long-term financial plan.

More Control Over Spending Habits

On the positive side, a grey divorce allows individuals to take back control over their finances. This is especially good news for couples who suffered from recurring fights over each other’s spending habits.

A fresh start can be an opportunity to become debt-free, or to make purchasing decisions without the stress of a financially controlling partner.

Social Security Benefits

Social Security benefits can be collected on an ex-spouse’s work record if:

  • You are 62+ years of age
  • Currently unmarried
  • The marriage lasted 10 years or more

If you’ve had multiple marriages lasting 10 years or more, you can choose which spouse’s record to claim benefits on. The order of the marriages and divorces doesn’t matter.

Estate Planning for Blended Families

Divorcing later in life means a couple could be on their second or third marriage. They may have entered the relationship with children from previous marriages, and now worry about those children being disinherited or otherwise cheated out of the financial support promised to them.

There are several ways to protect your children’s financial interests. The rules surrounding estate planning can be very complicated, so it’s best to consult the advice of a family lawyer.

Physical Health

The stress of a divorce takes a toll on anyone, regardless of age. That being said- age doesn’t make it any easier. If you have existing medical conditions that could worsen under stress, it’s important to develop a plan for self-care that will preserve your longevity and quality of life.

Never underestimate the value of exercise, sleep, nutrition, socializing with friends, and a good therapist.

Social Isolation

The social consequences of divorce can be really complicated. Some friends may pick sides, depending on the circumstances surrounding the divorce. Other friends might be a little jealous or threatened by the big changes in your new life. Married couples who liked to participate in shared activities and double dates might gradually fall out of touch.

You may also find that children and grandchildren visit less frequently, now that they must split time between visiting Grandma and visiting Grandpa. Then again, some individuals feel lonely in their marriages, and find their social life dramatically improves post-divorce. Every couple is different.

Hire a New Jersey Divorce Lawyer

If you are considering a divorce, the family law attorneys at Arons & Solomon can help. We protect the best interests of our clients and use mediation and collaborative approaches when possible to minimize the conflict and heartache associated with divorce.

All clients leave our office with stability and a plan to move forward. Contact us today for a free consultation.

8 Things to Consider Before Divorcing During the Holidays

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In family law circles, January has earned the reputation of “divorce month” for the surge in divorce filings seen after the holiday season. Studies also show an increase in divorce filings during August and March, both considered to be “quiet breaks” between holidays and back-to-school activities.

It’s understandable why divorce filings decrease at the end of the year. The holidays can be a very emotional and nostalgic time for families. They can give couples false hope the relationship can be repaired. They can also subject divorcing couples to a million intrusive questions from family members in town for the long weekend.

Every family is different, which means a divorce timeline that works for one couple may not work for another. If you have concerns about filing for divorce before the holidays, here are a few things to consider.

  • Is the desire for divorce mutual?

It is not wise to surprise a spouse with divorce papers right before the holidays. If both partners are on the same page about seeking divorce and the proceedings are expected to be amicable, the timing of the paperwork is not as important. Couples can always wait to make the formal announcement until after the holidays.

  • Are you in immediate danger or a toxic home environment?

If you are in an abusive relationship, the holiday calendar does not matter. You should seek immediate assistance from a lawyer and law enforcement, if necessary.

  • Do you have a healthy co-parenting dynamic?

If you are in a high-conflict relationship, waiting the extra month or two to file for divorce can feel like an eternity. Children are also very intuitive and may sense a divorce coming before parents get a chance to make the announcement. If you can successfully hide the tension between yourself and your spouse, it might be worth waiting until after the holidays to file.

  • Will the divorce be less contentious after the holidays?

For some couples, fighting increases during the holiday season. If that sounds familiar, you may want to delay filing for divorce until after the holidays. Enduring the divorce process during an already conflict-heavy season will only make the proceedings more contentious.

  • Can you handle more stress on top of the financial and emotional toll of the holidays?

The holidays alone can be expensive and stressful, especially if they involve hosting or travel. If you are already overcommitted, it might be worth postponing the divorce until after the new year.

  • Will having family around help you cope, or add anxiety to the situation?

If having family nearby will help you navigate the stress and sadness of divorce, filing during the holiday season might be in your best interest. If your family is known to stress you out, it might be better to wait to file and announce until they are far, far away.

  • Can you handle pretending, or will it backfire?

Putting on a happy front for the holiday season is not for everyone. If you feel this dynamic might cause more conflict and pain than it’s worth, follow your instinct and do what is best for your mental health.

  • Will you need the immediate assistance of professionals?

Lawyers, counselors, doctors, judges, and mediators are just a few of the professionals that may be out-of-pocket during parts of the holiday season. This limited availability can delay the divorce process into the new year. If the split is amicable and you are hoping to reach an agreement before the holidays, you should contact a family law attorney to get the process moving as soon as possible.

We Already Filed, Should We Tell the Kids After the Holidays?

Nobody wants their children to associate the magic of the holiday season with the heartbreak of a divorce. For this reason, many parents wait until after the New Year to file.

Some divorcing parents want their kids to enjoy “one last holiday together” before making the big announcement. This is an attractive idea in theory, but not always in practice. For high-conflict relationships, celebrating separately can spare children the added stress of watching parents fight, again. Children are always more observant than we think.

Depending on the ages of the children, some may feel deceived by a post-holiday divorce announcement. It implies the parents were not being genuine during the holiday celebrations. This can lead to issues with trust and resentment down the road. Family counseling can help children process these complicated feelings.

Divorce is a radical change in lifestyle. There will be a long adjustment period for everyone in the family to adapt. Divided holidays aren’t necessarily going to be worse than before, they are just going to be different.

If children have time to process the divorce before the holidays arrive, they might be willing to participate in coming up with new family traditions. Regardless of the timing of your divorce filing, make sure your parenting plan includes a holiday schedule.

Meet with a New Jersey Divorce Attorney

Like most things in life, timing is everything. You want to give serious thought to how, where, and when you ask your spouse for a divorce and announce it to your loved ones.

However, if you look hard enough, there will always be a reason to wait to file for divorce. Birthdays, holidays, vacations, soccer games, cold and flu season, summer camps, graduations, the list goes on.

The divorcing couple can’t always control the calendar, but they can make decisions together in a way that minimizes headache and heartache for the children.

A trusted divorce lawyer can help you map out a timeline that serves the best interests of your family. Contact us for a free initial consultation.

What Constitutes the “Best Interest of the Child” in New Jersey?

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If you do a quick Google search for information on child custody and visitation, you will find post after post referring to the “best interest of the child.”

The phrase is mentioned all the time in divorce law, but what does it mean?

A Quick Overview on Custody

When separated parents cannot agree on a custody and visitation agreement (aka. a “Parenting Plan”) the courts must make the decisions for them.

Unlike child support, there is no set formula to calculate custody responsibilities and visitation schedules. Each judge will weigh the individual criteria differently within the general framework of the “best interest of the child.” The decision can be incredibly subjective.

Courts also rely heavily on custody experts when determining custody, which can require an evaluation of both parties, and the children.

For these reasons, it’s always better for separated spouses to create a Parenting Plan together outside of court, if possible. Not only will this less intrusive approach give both parties more control over the process, it also begins the journey of co-parenting from a place of communication and mutual understanding.

A Child’s Best Interest, Defined

The “best interest” of the child refers to his/her physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Unless proven otherwise, it is assumed by the court that children benefit from having both parents play an active role in their lives.

According to N.J.S.A. 9:2-4, New Jersey courts will consider several factors when determining the “best interest of the child,” including:

  • Age and number of children in each home
  • Both parents’ ability to agree, communicate and cooperate in matters relating to the child, existing custody arrangement, and/or parenting time
  • Extent -and quality- of time spent by both parents with the child before and after separation
  • Fitness of both parents
  • General proximity of the parents’ homes
  • Location of the child’s school
  • Preference of the child, if age appropriate
  • Preserving healthy sibling and parent-child relationships
  • Special needs of the child, if applicable
  • Stability of the home environment
  • The immediate physical safety of the child (and other parent), along with any history of domestic violence in the household
  • Work hours and responsibilities of each parent
  • Any other issues the court deems relevant

New Jersey courts will always prioritize the “best interest of the child” over all other factors, including the wishes of both parents and grandparents.

Seek Counsel from a New Jersey Divorce Lawyer for Custody Disputes

It’s critically important to seek the advice of a New Jersey divorce attorney for all custody disputes and parenting plan modifications. Nobody should be “winging it” when it comes to protecting legal access to their children.

The custody lawyers at Arons & Solomon understand the stakes could not be higher. We work with clients in the Bergen County and Morris County areas to make sure loving and supportive parents stay closely involved in their children’s daily lives.

Our team also works to protect children from dangerous environments of domestic violence, substance abuse, and neglect.

If you need to create a Parenting Plan, or update an existing plan, we can help.

 

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